#105 – Let them find you
How to have a natural monopoly.
Society is a nonentity: it has no mind of its own, no interests, and no power to stop you. The problems come from individuals: people who want you to act a certain way and try to stop you from getting what you want. Trying to change those people or attempting to fit in with their values only causes suffering.
You can’t control the identities of other individuals, but you can control the extent and manner in which you will deal with them. When you compromise your values to attempt to satisfy someone else, the most profound disservice you are doing is to yourself. But that is not the only disservice you are doing.
You are doing a disservice to the countless individuals who will appreciate you for what you are but are not allowed a chance to because of the “socially acceptable” mask you wear that covers your real identity.
By not being what you are, you relinquish the most valuable asset you possess for finding others. You don’t attract the people who want to be associated with you for who you are.
If you don’t advertise yourself to the world from wherever you are, the people you seek will pass you by because you didn’t reveal the qualities that both; you and they admire the most.
By revealing those qualities, you target yourself for disapproval from those you are not seeking. It takes courage to overcome the embarrassment that results from sincerely exposing your character. But soon, you’ll find people who are far more rewarding than you’ve tolerated in the past.
In summary: let the others find you.
“There’s no one in the world exactly like you. And when you find the market that wants what you are, your position is as solid as you could ever hope for. You have a natural monopoly in that market—one that exists just because of what you are and requires no artificial devices to limit competition.”
— Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World
Relationships are fruitful to the extent they are in the self-interest of each individual. Relationships should be sources of pleasure, not obligations.
There’s a huge relief in knowing that no one owes you anything. No one owes you love, no one owes you respect, and no one owes you time. At least, this is the ideal case in relationships. When there is no obligation, there is no conflict of interest. The person who loves, respects, and gives you time does it purely out of his selfish desire. And that is truly comforting.
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Arjun, really enjoyed this one. Its such a powerful and nuanced perspective. There's something liberating about releasing the expectation that others "owe" us their time, affection, or respect. The idea that these things should be freely given, out of a genuine desire to do so, rather than obligation, is such a beautiful way to think about relationships.
Another banger of a post Arjun!